urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3 Happiness is but a fish you can catch jaybird3 2009-11-16T08:34:34Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:8307 2009-11-16T08:34:34Z 2009-11-16T08:34:34Z my heart hurts a little tonight<br />i guess you have to choose<br />what you're aware of verses what you choose to do with the awareness of a good or bad thing<br />i can't keep falling like this<br />gravity needs to be on my side urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:8017 2009-08-10T02:19:10Z 2009-08-10T02:19:10Z i should tell you, i love you<br />i should tell you<br />you can see it in my eyes<br /><br />but without you the hand gropes, ear hears, pulse beats and the eyes gaze<br />without you<br /><br />so, i've just come to say goodbye love, goodbye love.<br />goodbye love<br /><br />not looking forward to goodbye tmr urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:7802 2009-08-09T17:00:08Z 2009-08-09T17:00:08Z oh, i leave in 2 days?<br />Shit.<br />i should really pack.<br />but i feel shitty right now bleh! i hate being sick. hopefully this is just a 24 hour thing. or less.<br />maybe i should jsut go lay in the pool.<br />this heat is getting to me.<br />and i have much to do today<br /><br />yet i waste my time.<br />oh well.<br />2 days! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:7536 2009-08-06T19:14:23Z 2009-08-06T19:36:11Z yesterday i went out with a good friend of mine who i've missed dearly actualy, to brooklyn bagels. (it's amazing fyi) then because i'm a terrible west side liver, i told him i hadn't been to the beach once this summer;.<br />isn't that terrible?<br />anywho, so we walked along lake michigan, and met a couple of his friends there and walked to their fort they built in the dunes. <br />watched the sunset, which was absolutely breath taking yesterday.<br />then i jumped off from this big tree into the dunes<br />tried to tuck and roll from the fall.<br />now i'm sitting here with my ankle elevated in ice due to the fact that i sprained it<br />it's not a terrible sprain mind you, it's more on top of my foot this time<br />oy vay. i was doing so great for hardly any injuries this summer <br />lol other than that. the beach felt great, and i'm feeling absolutely content<br /><br /><br /><font><font class="txt_1">So I put my arms around you around you<br /> And I know that I'll be leaving soon<br /> <br /> My eyes are on you they're on you<br /> And you see that I can't stop shaking<br /> No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes<br /> 'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath<br /> Oh could burst it if it were a bubble<br /> And I'd better <a href="http://www.lyricsdownload.com/elisa-dancing-lyrics.html#" style="text-decoration: underline ! important; position: static;" class="kLink" target="undefined"><font color="orange" style="color: orange ! important; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 11px; position: static;"><span style="color: orange ! important; font-family: Arial,sans-serif; font-weight: 400; font-size: 11px; position: static;" class="kLink">dream</span></font></a> if I have to struggle<br /> <br /> So I put my arms around you around you<br /> And I hope that I will do no wrong</font></font><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:7263 2009-08-05T04:01:01Z 2009-08-05T04:01:01Z <span style="font-size: larger;">so what if i looked up at you<br />right at your eyes, well eye. <br />it's hard to look at both at once<br />but what if..<br />your pupils grew, and i couldn't stop <br />staring until i could see my self in the black of your eyes<br />i want to look again<br />i want to keep looking into your eyes<br />because i'm hoping mine respond the same way<br />so close and yet too far<br />i'm just going to be happy thinking about you for one more week<br />then i'll let it go.<br /></span><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:7085 2009-08-01T15:34:41Z 2009-08-01T15:34:41Z 10 days and counting down till move in time. <br />and i'm watching the princess bride<br />i'm going to a pirate festival this coming week :&nbsp;)<br />i cleaned the inside of my car, for some reason it makes me feel so much better while driving<br />i have to clean the outside, plus the fridge today, plus my room, and then i get to go school shopping<br />i'm in such a brighter mood today, and i wonder if it has much to do with last night being my last night&nbsp;EVER at mcdonalds. well at least working there. they gave me an 'i heart mocha' pin because they heart me so much&gt; lol<br />well, i'm also making my own jewelry now which is exciting. because it will actually be stuff i can wear, and not things that attack my skin.<br />i have managed to gain some color this summer. not much mind you<br />but enough.<br />the dogs are extra lazy today, and it lloooks like it's going to rain, i think they know.<br />anywho, wesley is about to come on the screen ( from the princess bride if you didn't know)<br />and i love this part :)<br /><span><span>Happily, fondly, at halloween, mistakenly, as in the dream, seldomly, and finally</span></span><br /><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:6774 2009-07-28T01:44:28Z 2009-07-28T01:44:28Z so during my other job today (theater on wheels) my friend kyle and i were working with kids on dance, and during a break a little kid came by and told us how he was gonna slice his own face off. then he went on to say, it wouldn't bleed fast enough so he's going to slice his head off hang upside down so all the blood runs out and he dies. then he just kept saying, i'm gonna suicide. <br />my heart sank a little. we had a long talk with his teacher and his parents.<br />i need a stroke of positivity <br />i need change that is bright because i'm tired.<br />i just..i really want something good to happen soon urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:6438 2009-07-24T14:06:02Z 2009-07-24T14:06:02Z I'm finally out of my picture slump, i don't know how i got down it but i did and i'm mad at myself for that.<br />but that's okay, i'm taking more pictures now because i am figuring more things out.<br />although i am going to use the 'i was super busy' excuse, because it's totally true. and shit i just realized i have a paper due sunday i need to work on.<br /><br />This english class sucks, but this paper is about a poem i like so i'm kinda glad. it should be fairly easy. i just need to look up rhyme schemes and what the different rythm patterns are called. <br /><br />1) what does it mean when every single line in the whole poem has 8 beats per line<br />2) each stanza rhymes every other sentence (4 times) but then the last 2 lines of the stanza rhyme right after each other). <br /><br />i know i will look it up to but if anyone has a heads up for it, let me know!<br />also, i go to CMU&nbsp;in 18 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!!&nbsp;oooh gosh i'm excited. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:6389 2009-07-16T07:17:33Z 2009-07-16T07:17:33Z fail.<br />i'm taking this moment to sincerely apologize for my lack of photos. i suck. sorry<br />too much shit is wasting my time this summer<br />and i have 3 weeks left basically<br /><br />and i'll have to say goodbye to someone i love, want and yet i wonder if they feel the same.<br />going on 6 years, pray me i hope it won't be 7.<br /><br />p.s. saw 6 shooting stars tonight, but i was not selfish i only made one wish.<br />cheers urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:5934 2009-07-04T19:02:10Z 2009-07-04T19:02:10Z Yeah? well i may be switching schools and states.<br /><br />furthermore. <br />i work today 4-10 at McDonalds.<br />great i miss fireworks by like half an hour<br />and i have no fireworks at home. :(<br /><br />i'm working on really cool dance collage though. and a paper due wednesday, and a big reading assignment due sunday by midnight.<br />and i leave on tuesday for Chicago. all week i get to dance all day long. and compete also. and audition.<br />i cannot wait<br /><br />dancing is all i need right now urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:5816 2009-07-02T16:02:24Z 2009-07-02T16:02:24Z <span class="textwrap">Just because you like to lead doesn&rsquo;t mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.<br />so dance with me<br />at midnight,soaked in fireflies<br />laced in moonlight<br /></span> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:5548 2009-06-29T03:54:04Z 2009-06-29T03:54:04Z i need a hug<br />my heart is literally feeling pain.<br />and no it's not heart burn<br />it's like a heavier beat<br />and with each beat is a reminder<br />and then my eyes glaze with salty tears<br />and i hold it as long as i possibly can<br />until i forfit<br />until i give up<br />i think i'll keep them opened, long enough to get around with them shut, hoping, wishing that the next time i open them, someone is waiting. waiting for me to open my eyes.<br /><br />on a side note. i leave for chicago next week. <br />thank god urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:5268 2009-06-23T11:35:51Z 2009-06-23T11:35:51Z I love my new job. it does get a bit tiring but i'm dancing and moving around all from 7am-7pm and i love it<br />only then mcdonalds said oh come in at 8pm then and stay till 1am for your hours. oh joy<br />today i'll be tired most likely<br /><br />anyways, i'm feeling good lately, actually very good since saturday. i had had a great day and a change i'd been wanting well<br />it just might be coming. i'm unsure but i don't mind the good feeling that i'm feeling about it now :)<br />and iw ant to go swimming urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:5061 2009-06-19T03:03:50Z 2009-06-19T03:03:50Z <span style="font-family: courier new,courier,monospace; font-size: 12px;">Just got the best song suggestion for my solo in chicago. I&quot;M&nbsp;SO&nbsp;PSYCHED now.<br />annnd yay, still crazy but it's okay<br /><br />The creationist by Kerli<br />This is an old and funny poem<br />I accidentally overheard<br />It keeps the little children playing<br />And bigger children spread the word<br />My memory is bad<br />So I always tend to forget how it goes<br />But<br /><br />Life is my creation<br />Is my best friend<br />Imagination<br />Is my defense<br />And I'll keep walking<br />When skies are grey<br />Whatever happens was meant that way<br /><br />You're no better or no worse than the others<br />We are all the same<br />And life is just a moment<br />You might as well enjoy this day<br />It's time to start believing<br />That everything you want is on it's way<br />And<br /><br />Life is my creation<br />Is my best friend<br />Imagination<br />Is my defense<br />And I'll keep walking<br />When skies are grey<br />Whatever happens was meant that way<br /><br />We'll be growing<br />Into knowing<br />While we're floating<br />Keep on going</span> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:4642 2009-06-18T04:27:10Z 2009-06-18T04:27:10Z so sleepy.<br />so ready for dance competition<br />so ready for blisters and aching muscles, it's been nice having time to work out every day<br />i have a routine going, and i like it<br />i like the results<br /><br />i still think i'm going crazy here though<br />but my new job is awesome, i'm a dance instructor for a summer theater program, and i love it<br />but i still need to get my car checked out<br />i still need more sleep but i don't work till 4 pm tomorrow so i'm sleeping all morning and afternoon and i'm going to love it<br /><br />i still think i want a change more than anything urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:4371 2009-06-17T04:52:22Z 2009-06-17T04:52:22Z There's blood dripping from my knee<br />and blood dripping from my lip<br />simultaneously, and i like the way it runs<br /><br /> weirdo, i know<br /><br />i'm feeling the affect of having less than an hour of sleep in the past 30 something hours, and i have no idea why i'm stil up typing this, mostly because when i lay my head down and try to sleep, i don't want to try and the longer i keep my eyes open now, and the longer my head hurts the faster i'll be able to sleep and dream<br /><br />dream's may just be firing neurons<br />but i think that's stupid<br />i love to dream, and i love to escape in my dreams because things are sometimes easier there<br />things aren't extra difficult here or anything, but they're not always easy.<br /><br />cuz i love you with all that i am, and my voice shakes along with my hands, because it's frightneing to be swimming in these stranges seas but i'd rather be here than on land.<br />right now, i'm feelin the land.<br />i just want something to happen,<br /><br />i know you're not supposed to go looking for love<br />but i just don't think it's looking for me either.<br />goodnight urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:4157 2009-06-15T14:36:03Z 2009-06-15T14:36:03Z what is Dragon$<br /><br />that's all thanks urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:3996 2009-06-15T03:37:48Z 2009-06-15T03:37:48Z unfortunantly<br />my car is dieing<br />the check engine light's goin on, and the belt is waring out.<br />my dad is limiting my driving.<br />he's funny because he tries to be the cool one, but my mom's the one who lets me stay out late<br />dad says bed time's at 10 HAh, <br />don't get me wrong, i love my dad but he just doesn't get somethings<br /><br />like tonight we talked about a whole range of things, but then got to school and i said i'm taking a digital photography class and if i could i wanted to switch to a dance major but i'd have to go to another school; he gets all huffy puffy and says no, there's no living there.<br />my dad's old fashioned<br />but he doesn't want me to dance for more than a hobby or take pictures for more than a hobby.<br />my mother is an artist. so i'm just not getting that.<br />he's a good dad, no a great dad the best maybe, to me he's the best.<br />but i'm so used to him not being here, meh<br />he leaves on saturday then i'm on my own for a week or so<br />new job starts tuesday<br />i still am ancy with need for change, i feel slightly crazed<br />i want to go somewhere still<br />i want someone to let go of me, because he texts and tries to talk all the time and i know it just hurts him<br /><br />i need something to happen<br />something i want <br />i'm lonely here urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:3672 2009-06-09T16:17:52Z 2009-06-09T16:21:59Z <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7IgCck_BPI&amp;feature=channel">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7IgCck_BPI&amp;feature=channel</a><br /><br />this is my best friend dan's big brother, he's the 2nd from the right guitarist, with the long long black hair. Pop Evil is their band, and they just got done shooting tihs a little while ago. we hung out with him last night, Enjoy the video! you could get hooked.<br /><br />i just woke up a while ago, more like 20 minutes ago. i'm tired but not hungry, in fact i'm empty, in fact i'm starving but ignoring it is fun because i don't know what to eat so i post here because i think maybe i'll think of something but i really can't so i think i'll just sit here, or dance or run or swim.<br />bye urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:3395 2009-06-08T14:30:34Z 2009-06-08T14:30:34Z http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XkD5sJwwrE<br /><br />this is so hilarious, watch the whole thing.<br /><br /><br />i'm looking at plane tickets, arizona isn't too expensive, as is penslyvania.<br />someone get me out of here.<br />i really need some kind of adventure.<br />anyt<em>hing..</em><br /><br /> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:3263 2009-06-06T05:01:32Z 2009-06-06T05:01:32Z I just worked 14 hours at mcdonalds.<br />FMFL.<br />(fuck my fucking life) urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:2921 2009-06-04T15:51:56Z 2009-06-04T15:51:56Z i wish that we could, give it a go<br />see..if we could be something<br />i wish i was your favorite girl<br /><br />today i still feel out of sorts, i think i've decided to stick with the whole dietetics thing.<br />and of course the dancing.<br />i can't afford alma to dance there<br /><br />i wish you'd hold my hand when i was upset<br /><br />i feel lonely here. i keep talking about adventures that i want..but i don't have enough money to go on one yet.<br /><br />basically i wish that you loved me<br /><br />i hurt him every day and i never want to. i don't even want to talk to him, but that hurts him more. it's really hard sometimes<br />i just don't need to talk about everything to him or everyone anymore.. there's no point<br />no point in telling people it all the time<br />my roof is inviting me to sunbathe on it, which perhaps i'll do<br />i didn't accomplish anything besides a scrap book of england that only made me want to move there faster<br />i told my mom i want to move there.<br />she didn't say no, she just said i'd have a really hard time.<br />i need some change,.i need something to change<br />i'm starting a change jar<br />i'll starve to save money<br />i'm looking at airline tickets<br />i'm looking at how far my car can drive me<br />i think i have chores to do<br />and then i have lake michigan's shore to run around. <br />i'm going to run along the shore line and jump in the water<br />i think that may make me feel slightly better<br /><br />look all i know is that, your the nicest thing urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:2789 2009-06-01T01:35:11Z 2009-06-01T01:35:11Z Up was an amazing movie, so i give my stamp of approval as well.<br />i'm going to bed now. it's 9:34 pm.<br />today was only slightly better, but i still don't want to be in my own head urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:2443 2009-05-30T19:44:00Z 2009-05-31T04:34:39Z Sun Down.<br />last night was not good.<br />tonight could be better.<br />i'm sick of mcdonalds.<br />greerrhhhh<br />damn my uterus<br />damn it all<br />i don't know if i want to go in to dietetics anymore.<br />mom says to clear my head<br />to focus. so i explain alma, and we cannot afford it.<br />oh i really&nbsp; don't like today<br />and i don't want to work at mcdonalds tmr<br />and i don't want to be in my own head anymore<br />and i don't want to keep waiting, and listen to everyone saying, don't worry love comes when you least expect it, or don't worry you'll get your turn.&nbsp;FUCK this all i hate today<br />i know i'm generally positive, and can bounce back<br />but right now<br />RIGHt now<br />i'm ready to run away<br />and do something different.<br />my room is messy and i don't give a shit<br />my alarm is set<br />and i'm going to turn it off<br />my damn camera sd card can't be read by my computer so you can't see any of my pictures, and i can't edit them or anything<br />GRRRRHRHHHHHh<br />i feel so lost here in skee town (muskegon)<br />i just don't know what to feel or do anymore<br />not today at least urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jaybird3:2181 2009-05-29T13:15:07Z 2009-05-29T13:15:07Z oooh boy<br /><br />this is going to be a long interesting summer.