jaybird3

my heart hurts a little tonight
i guess you have to choose
what you're aware of verses what you choose to do with the awareness of a good or bad thing
i can't keep falling like this
gravity needs to be on my side

i should tell you, i love you
i should tell you
you can see it in my eyes

but without you the hand gropes, ear hears, pulse beats and the eyes gaze
without you

so, i've just come to say goodbye love, goodbye love.
goodbye love

not looking forward to goodbye tmr

oh, i leave in 2 days?
Shit.
i should really pack.
but i feel shitty right now bleh! i hate being sick. hopefully this is just a 24 hour thing. or less.
maybe i should jsut go lay in the pool.
this heat is getting to me.
and i have much to do today

yet i waste my time.
oh well.
2 days!

yesterday i went out with a good friend of mine who i've missed dearly actualy, to brooklyn bagels. (it's amazing fyi) then because i'm a terrible west side liver, i told him i hadn't been to the beach once this summer;.
isn't that terrible?
anywho, so we walked along lake michigan, and met a couple of his friends there and walked to their fort they built in the dunes.
watched the sunset, which was absolutely breath taking yesterday.
then i jumped off from this big tree into the dunes
tried to tuck and roll from the fall.
now i'm sitting here with my ankle elevated in ice due to the fact that i sprained it
it's not a terrible sprain mind you, it's more on top of my foot this time
oy vay. i was doing so great for hardly any injuries this summer
lol other than that. the beach felt great, and i'm feeling absolutely content


So I put my arms around you around you
And I know that I'll be leaving soon

My eyes are on you they're on you
And you see that I can't stop shaking
No, I won't step back but I'll look down to hide from your eyes
'cause what I feel is so sweet and I'm scared that even my own breath
Oh could burst it if it were a bubble
And I'd better dream if I have to struggle

So I put my arms around you around you
And I hope that I will do no wrong

10 days and counting down till move in time.
and i'm watching the princess bride
i'm going to a pirate festival this coming week : )
i cleaned the inside of my car, for some reason it makes me feel so much better while driving
i have to clean the outside, plus the fridge today, plus my room, and then i get to go school shopping
i'm in such a brighter mood today, and i wonder if it has much to do with last night being my last night EVER at mcdonalds. well at least working there. they gave me an 'i heart mocha' pin because they heart me so much> lol
well, i'm also making my own jewelry now which is exciting. because it will actually be stuff i can wear, and not things that attack my skin.
i have managed to gain some color this summer. not much mind you
but enough.
the dogs are extra lazy today, and it lloooks like it's going to rain, i think they know.
anywho, wesley is about to come on the screen ( from the princess bride if you didn't know)
and i love this part :)
Happily, fondly, at halloween, mistakenly, as in the dream, seldomly, and finally

so during my other job today (theater on wheels) my friend kyle and i were working with kids on dance, and during a break a little kid came by and told us how he was gonna slice his own face off. then he went on to say, it wouldn't bleed fast enough so he's going to slice his head off hang upside down so all the blood runs out and he dies. then he just kept saying, i'm gonna suicide.
my heart sank a little. we had a long talk with his teacher and his parents.
i need a stroke of positivity
i need change that is bright because i'm tired.
i just..i really want something good to happen soon

I'm finally out of my picture slump, i don't know how i got down it but i did and i'm mad at myself for that.
but that's okay, i'm taking more pictures now because i am figuring more things out.
although i am going to use the 'i was super busy' excuse, because it's totally true. and shit i just realized i have a paper due sunday i need to work on.

This english class sucks, but this paper is about a poem i like so i'm kinda glad. it should be fairly easy. i just need to look up rhyme schemes and what the different rythm patterns are called.

1) what does it mean when every single line in the whole poem has 8 beats per line
2) each stanza rhymes every other sentence (4 times) but then the last 2 lines of the stanza rhyme right after each other).

i know i will look it up to but if anyone has a heads up for it, let me know!
also, i go to CMU in 18 days!!!!!!!!!!!!!! oooh gosh i'm excited.

fail.
i'm taking this moment to sincerely apologize for my lack of photos. i suck. sorry
too much shit is wasting my time this summer
and i have 3 weeks left basically

and i'll have to say goodbye to someone i love, want and yet i wonder if they feel the same.
going on 6 years, pray me i hope it won't be 7.

p.s. saw 6 shooting stars tonight, but i was not selfish i only made one wish.
cheers

Yeah? well i may be switching schools and states.

furthermore.
i work today 4-10 at McDonalds.
great i miss fireworks by like half an hour
and i have no fireworks at home. :(

i'm working on really cool dance collage though. and a paper due wednesday, and a big reading assignment due sunday by midnight.
and i leave on tuesday for Chicago. all week i get to dance all day long. and compete also. and audition.
i cannot wait

dancing is all i need right now

i need a hug
my heart is literally feeling pain.
and no it's not heart burn
it's like a heavier beat
and with each beat is a reminder
and then my eyes glaze with salty tears
and i hold it as long as i possibly can
until i forfit
until i give up
i think i'll keep them opened, long enough to get around with them shut, hoping, wishing that the next time i open them, someone is waiting. waiting for me to open my eyes.

on a side note. i leave for chicago next week.
thank god

I love my new job. it does get a bit tiring but i'm dancing and moving around all from 7am-7pm and i love it
only then mcdonalds said oh come in at 8pm then and stay till 1am for your hours. oh joy
today i'll be tired most likely

anyways, i'm feeling good lately, actually very good since saturday. i had had a great day and a change i'd been wanting well
it just might be coming. i'm unsure but i don't mind the good feeling that i'm feeling about it now :)
and iw ant to go swimming

so sleepy.
so ready for dance competition
so ready for blisters and aching muscles, it's been nice having time to work out every day
i have a routine going, and i like it
i like the results

i still think i'm going crazy here though
but my new job is awesome, i'm a dance instructor for a summer theater program, and i love it
but i still need to get my car checked out
i still need more sleep but i don't work till 4 pm tomorrow so i'm sleeping all morning and afternoon and i'm going to love it

i still think i want a change more than anything

There's blood dripping from my knee
and blood dripping from my lip
simultaneously, and i like the way it runs

weirdo, i know

i'm feeling the affect of having less than an hour of sleep in the past 30 something hours, and i have no idea why i'm stil up typing this, mostly because when i lay my head down and try to sleep, i don't want to try and the longer i keep my eyes open now, and the longer my head hurts the faster i'll be able to sleep and dream

dream's may just be firing neurons
but i think that's stupid
i love to dream, and i love to escape in my dreams because things are sometimes easier there
things aren't extra difficult here or anything, but they're not always easy.

cuz i love you with all that i am, and my voice shakes along with my hands, because it's frightneing to be swimming in these stranges seas but i'd rather be here than on land.
right now, i'm feelin the land.
i just want something to happen,

i know you're not supposed to go looking for love
but i just don't think it's looking for me either.
goodnight

what is Dragon$

that's all thanks

unfortunantly
my car is dieing
the check engine light's goin on, and the belt is waring out.
my dad is limiting my driving.
he's funny because he tries to be the cool one, but my mom's the one who lets me stay out late
dad says bed time's at 10 HAh,
don't get me wrong, i love my dad but he just doesn't get somethings

like tonight we talked about a whole range of things, but then got to school and i said i'm taking a digital photography class and if i could i wanted to switch to a dance major but i'd have to go to another school; he gets all huffy puffy and says no, there's no living there.
my dad's old fashioned
but he doesn't want me to dance for more than a hobby or take pictures for more than a hobby.
my mother is an artist. so i'm just not getting that.
he's a good dad, no a great dad the best maybe, to me he's the best.
but i'm so used to him not being here, meh
he leaves on saturday then i'm on my own for a week or so
new job starts tuesday
i still am ancy with need for change, i feel slightly crazed
i want to go somewhere still
i want someone to let go of me, because he texts and tries to talk all the time and i know it just hurts him

i need something to happen
something i want
i'm lonely here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7IgCck_BPI&feature=channel

this is my best friend dan's big brother, he's the 2nd from the right guitarist, with the long long black hair. Pop Evil is their band, and they just got done shooting tihs a little while ago. we hung out with him last night, Enjoy the video! you could get hooked.

i just woke up a while ago, more like 20 minutes ago. i'm tired but not hungry, in fact i'm empty, in fact i'm starving but ignoring it is fun because i don't know what to eat so i post here because i think maybe i'll think of something but i really can't so i think i'll just sit here, or dance or run or swim.
bye

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4XkD5sJwwrE

this is so hilarious, watch the whole thing.


i'm looking at plane tickets, arizona isn't too expensive, as is penslyvania.
someone get me out of here.
i really need some kind of adventure.
anything..